


The Supernatural’s Not Out to Get You

by kathakoito



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-31
Updated: 2017-10-31
Packaged: 2019-01-27 08:10:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12577448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kathakoito/pseuds/kathakoito
Summary: Shane is cthulhu. Ryan’s a skeptic.





	The Supernatural’s Not Out to Get You

 

Ryan has wanted to take the entire Buzzfeed Unsolved crew on a team vacation since the show began picking up steam, but it’s not until they’ve wrapped the second season of Supernatural that they finally found the time to schedule a beach vacation.

Shane had adamantly refused to go near the water and had stayed behind building sandcastles and sipping mai tais while Ryan got dragged into trying surfing. Ryan knew that Shane was a fair swimmer and that he didn’t have a fear of open water, so he wondered why Shane never seemed inclined to join them.

Ryan brought it up over lunch as they sat in a seafood restaurant by the coast, and Shane merely replied, “I’m cthulhu.”

Ryan laughed and insisted that Shane accompany him to the sea later in the afternoon, just before the sun sets and it was too dark to swim. Shane resisted, but was eventually cornered into accompanying Ryan when the rest of the team passed on the afternoon swim in favor of happy hour at the coast.

“If I drown out there, it’ll be on you,” Ryan teased. “Because I’m seriously going for a swim with or without you.”

“You’re not gonna drown. There are lifeguards out there,” Shane replied.

“An alien abduction then. You never know.”

“Fine,” Shane said, resigned, as he unbuttoned his shirt and left it in a heap on the sand next to his flip flops.

Ryan chuckled and immediately bounded for the sea. “Race ya, big guy!”

“You got a headstart!” Shane accusingly called after him.

“You have inhumanly long limbs. I needed a handicap,” Ryan called back, laughing.

Ryan swam hard until he was a good ten meters away from the shore, grinning when Shane catches up to him a few beats later, looking harangued.

“Terrible form, Madej.”

“I always strive to look like a deranged sea lion.”

Ryan turned his back to him and swam in back stokes, lazily staring up at the orange-pink streaks on the clouds as the sun slowly began to set. He paused mid-stroke when he felt something coil around his ankle. He kicked it off and tried to find it in the water—a seaweed perhaps?

He saw a long tentacle where he thought it would be and his eyes followed it up to Shane's arm, or at least that's where it should be.

Shane stared back calmly, as if having a tentacle for an arm was just par for the course."Ryan…”

"What the fuuuck--"

Shane's arm-tentacle twitched a little bit. "Look, I told you, seawater doesn't agree with me."

Ryan spluttered, talking a mile a minute. "What is this? What the fuck? What are you right now? What? How could you not tell me?"

"I told you as you dragged me to the beach, didn’t I? I said, Ryan this might not be the best idea, I'm cthulhu," Shane said as if he were speaking to a toddler.

Ryan stared at him, partly in disbelief, and partly because Shane’s other arm was turning into a tentacle. "You know perfectly well that's not fair warning, asshole! How long have you known me? This only comes up now? Here? Really?"

"To be fair, you kind of overreact about the supernatural. I figured I could slip under the radar until you've mellowed out about it. When you’re a bit more chill, I thought, yeah, that’s probably the time to tell Ryan.”

Ryan exhaled a long, slow breath. His head was thumping hard in his chest as he slowly watched Shane transform before his very eyes. "This is a dream this is a dream this is a dream this is a—“

"Ryan. Ryan, calm down. I just need to transform back." Shane waved a tentacle. "I can't go back to shore like this; I'm even floppier than usual."

"Oh my God, this isn't happening," Ryan mumbled to himself

"Look Ryan, I just need your help to turn human again."

Ryan’s eyes had glazed over. "Okay, Ryan it's just a dream just do whatever it says and you'll wake up and you’ll be okay."

"Could you stop talking to yourself like an insane person for one minute?"

Ryan looked at Shane quietly and then went right back to mumbling. “That's it, you're drowning right now, you're fucking drowning in the ocean, Bergara, and your last thought is a hallucination of Shane with fucking tentacles."

Ryan felt tentacles shake him by the shoulders. "Do you need me to slap you in the face to prove this is real?"

“That would help, yeah," Ryan said with the air of someone who had nothing else to lose.

A tentacle smacked him across the face, sending him partially underwater. He comes up spitting saltwater, a terrified look on his face. "Oh my God, what are you?"

Shane sighed, exasperated. "See, we're going in circles now. We’ve covered this."

Shane shook his head as Ryan continued to regard him with fear. At least he had stopped thinking this was a dream. "There's a long story to this and yeah, I owe it to you. But first maybe help me stop turning into a sea monster?"

"You're not gonna kill me?" Ryan asked in a whisper.

"What? No!" Shane replied hastily "Why do you always think that the supernatural is out to get you? We have our own lives y'know. We don't build our lives around murderin’ people for funsies."

"Okay," Ryan said with some trepidation. "What do you need me to do?"

“Well, you know how the little mermaid goes, right?"

"You need my blood to splash on your limbs?"

"Man, those Grimm brothers really love to twist these facts up. no, i don't want to gut you in the middle of the sea, Ryan. Think Disney."

Ryan’s voice rose an octave. "A kiss?"

“Yep."

"I- uh-"

"It's either that or lose me to the sea forever. I won't be able to return to land if I fully transform now.”

Ryan thought about Shane fully transforming and disappearing into the depths of the ocean, about returning by himself to work and having to deal with Shane’s disappearance. He saw it very clearly in his mind—Shane’s empty work desk. It was a terrible feeling.

He swam over to Shane, feeling a touch braver than he did before. "You sure this will work?"

"Positive."

Ryan wondered if there was anyone before him who did this, someone who kissed Shane to give him a human form. There must have been someone before him, right? Ryan placed both hands on Shane’s shoulders and blinked up at him. He was suddenly struck with how little he knew. He could see Shane’s skin beginning to turn green at the neck. _Who was here before me?_

Three tentacles wrapped around him slowly, the rest he could feel was working to keep them afloat. He didn't know what else to say at this point. Nothing seemed appropriate. So he closed his eyes and pressed forward. Shane lips tasted of salt, the way he supposed his own mouth did. His lips were dry, a little sharp in the middle where the skin had cracked. He felt the tentacles press him closer as he moved in, Shane’s mouth parting for him, his own falling open.

He never asked what kind of kiss it should be. A simple, chaste, close-mouthed one might have worked just as well. Ryan didn't know. He was kind of lost in the feel of it. It felt of _oh’s_ and _why did I never’s._ Shane’s body was so warm in the cold of the sea.

Shane was the first to pull back. He looked into Ryan's eyes, his mouth, and then down at his own body as it changed back to a more familiar form.

"We should go back," Ryan started but Shane pressed against him once more, all man now, and his mouth was too busy again to use for speaking.

Ryan pulled away after a bit, looking into Shane’s face, searching. "I guess we should talk about this too?"

Shane nodded. "We should."

Shane looked at him quietly for a moment. "I need to come clean about something though."

"What?"

"I have complete control over my transformation."

Ryan took a moment to process this before rage completely overtook him.

"YOU DICK!"


End file.
